Time has stood still for awhile, wouldn’t you agree? Normally as a photographer I’ve had no problems working with moments suspended in time, but there has undoubtedly been nothing quite ‘normal’ about the last few months; they’ve been stagnant, stale, and just plain strange. I know I’m not the only one who’s been struggling with this either: the lack of motivation, the thing that puts the thoughts of sloth in the back of your brain with the cherry on top of ‘no one is going to see it anyway’ when it comes to creating and making. I really did struggle with making any art for about the first month or so in lockdown. I even struggled with making my own bed, but that’s a slightly different struggle.
The last day at my day job before shut down I made a ‘why not’ kind of purchase and I’m so glad that I did. I bought a few rolls of both black and white and color film in 35mm. The months leading up to the pandemic I was just dipping my toes back into the film shooting pool, something I’d really missed, and I’d begun to amass several shot rolls that laid throughout my house in bags undeveloped. But just like the days, just like my thoughts, and just like myself, the boxes of fresh film sat idle for a good long while. I was doing them (and me) a big disservice by leaving them be..they needed me to become something and corny enough as it sounds at the time I needed them for exactly the same reason.
I started shooting almost every day as soon as it was safe to leave the house (in a mask and with safe social distancing of course), and I cannot stress just how refreshing of an experience and routine it became for me not only as an artist, but also just as a person. I was using my brain actively: metering for exposure and composing, and I was also getting a feel for what the world around me was like once again albeit a bit different due to a pandemic; seeing the sun and trees, and feeling the breeze from beyond my office window. It was an escape that brought me closer to reality than I’d been in weeks and in many ways it felt like what woke me up from some sort of weird slumber. I get excited thinking about it and in weeks before ‘excitement’ was a word I’d written off as fictitious.
When the world gets moving a bit more and it’s safe to step a bit further from our bubbles, I will be very-yes-excited to see what these rolls of film yield. Even if they are a compositional nightmare or if they just flat out suck, I will still enjoy them and I will still be grateful to have had the time with them that I did. When that day comes I will be more than happy to share them with you all.
Please stay safe, healthy, and happy. Also please pick something up and work your brain to keep you sane.